You don't have to Fix every Feeling
Why I've stopped trying to fix everything
So you know I've spent years helping women get out of stress and back into their lives... calmer mornings, softer shoulders, a bit more room for joy and honestly I still love that work and I'm not going anywhere.
But lately there's this other question that just keeps coming back to me... what if the point was never to feel good all the time and what if it's really about having enough space in your nervous system that you can actually feel what's there, all the way through and come out the other side feeling a bit lighter?
And I'll be honestly, I know my own habit really well... something hurts and mostly I want it gone, something feels hard and I'm already three steps into fixing it and even after more than ten years of doing this work there are times when I want to run away from feeling my feelings totally.
But a feeling isn't a problem we have to solve... it's something that wants to move through us and it moves a lot more easily when we just get out of its way. I felt this so clearly at the Luminaries festival in Croatia just last week... since the 1st of June, with my husband's hospitalisation and surgery and everything that came with it, I'd been holding so much and just carrying on. So,
at Luminaries I was finally able to move in a way I simply hadn't been able to all those months.
All the holding we do
We've all gotten so good at holding, haven't we? holding back the tears until we get to the car, holding in the irritation at dinner so nobody says we're being "too much", holding our breath in meetings, at the school gate and on the phone with our mums... and even holding on to the good moments a little too tightly in case they disappear.
And all that holding is exhausting, you can usually feel exactly where it's sitting... your jaw clenching without you even noticing, your shoulders slowly creeping up towards your ears, your breath stuck up high in your chest most of the day.
What I see over and over with the women I work with is that the thing that upset them can be long over, but the body is still bracing for it... your head has figured it all out, but your body hasn't had its turn yet, so it's still hanging on.
Where your breath comes in
This is where your breath is such a help, because when you slow down and actually notice how you're breathing, the way you relate to a feeling starts to change a little... it's subtle but it's real.
So instead of "I'm angry" it becomes more like "okay, there's some anger here" and if you stay with it a bit longer it gets even more specific... there's heat in my chest, my heart's going quite fast, my breath is stuck up under my collarbones.
And that little shift makes a big difference because the feeling stops being who you are and turns into something that's just happening in your body... and anything happening in your body can move.
Try making your breath out just a little longer than your breath in... it tells your nervous system it's safe enough to feel this, not safe enough to make it vanish, just safe enough to actually feel it.
What dancing has to do with it
And moving your body takes it even further... there's actually some really interesting research on this that I just have to share with you.
A 2025 study in Scientific Reports followed a group of police officers doing either mindful dance or regular aerobic dance, and besides anxiety they measured two things... how much people bottle up what they feel and don't let it show (we all know that one) plus how well they can shift the way they relate to what they're feeling... and the mindful dance group improved a lot on both.
Now, I'm not saying one song in your kitchen is going to cure anyone's anxiety... but it does match what I see in my classes all the time, which is that moving changes how we actually experience our emotions, not just how we think about them.
Try this - the one song reset
So here's what I'd love you to try today... just one song, that's it.
Pick a song, whatever you're in the mood for today.
Before it starts, take three slow breaths in through your nose and let each breath out be a little longer than the one in.
Close your eyes and let your body move however it wants to.
When the song's over, stand still for one more breath and just notice how you feel, even if it's only a tiny bit different.
You don't have to know what the moves mean and it really doesn't have to look pretty... you might barely sway, you might stomp around like a four-year-old who won't put her shoes on, you might cry, or you might start laughing because you feel so silly (and trust me, as a laughter yoga teacher, feeling silly is very underrated).
All of the above is fine because nobody's watching and you're not performing for anyone... you're just letting yourself feel.
The only thing I'd watch out for is dancing just so you can rush back to feeling good... let the song be the whole thing because there's a big difference between using something nice to run away from how you feel and actually enjoying letting it all out.
Give it some room
And slowly you'll notice the question changes... it's not "how do I get rid of this as fast as possible?" anymore, it's more like "how much can I let this move through me?"
So let your body do a bit more of the talking today and give your mind a little break from explaining everything... feel it, breathe it, move it... you might be surprised how much more room there is on the other side.
You are just one breath away from yourself.
Love&breath💕
Payal
